Not Your Babe
by Plants
Summary: In all twenty one years of his life, Kenma Kozume has never been to a party, much less a nightclub. Especially not the notoriously famous gay strip club, Aoba Josai. Where the boys were big, and the egos were bigger. - aka stripper au? It's really just a bunch of boys who think they're cool but they're actually just huge dorks.


Kenma sighed as the _'game over'_ screen flashed for what seemed to be the hundredth time today. He couldn't seem to beat this level and it was really starting to piss him off. _'Damn that slime monster'_ Kenma thought bitterly as the red _'game over'_ flashed mockingly in his sighed and closed his DS.

He scanned the room, there were only a few customers left in the store. There was a lady who looked fed up as soon as she walked in, her son oblivious to his mother's discontent (or he just didn't care) browsed the 'new release' section. Four kids, they looked about eight, were playing the demo of Mario Kart, and laughing loudly. One girl was sifting through the bin of discount DS games.

Kenma had thought working at the mall's largest game store, Nekoma Games, would be paradise, but it actually bored him. The customers always needed help spotting a game they were looking for or asked questions about when certain games came out. Social interaction was not Kenma's strong suit and he usually left conversation that couldn't end with "Is that all for you today?" up to his coworker Tsukishima. Kenma would rather play games than sell them, but a job's a job and he needed a way to pay for university somehow.

Kenma ran a hand through his hair and tapped a finger on the counter. He checked the clock, there was only thirty minutes left in his shift and he desperately wanted to go home. It was a perfectly good Friday night for staying in, _'And beating that slime monster'_ Kenma thought tartly. Just as Kenma started stretching, his back had gone stiff from him being hunched over for so long, he heard the familiar _ding_ of the front sensor go off.

Kenma looked across the room to see a certain redhead eagerly fast walk over to him. (There had been an incident three weeks ago where Shouyou tried running up to Kenma and accidentally knocked over a Call Out Duty standee and Tsukishima tore Shouyou a new one)

Shouyou slammed his hands down on the counter in front of Kenma with a serious look on his face. Kenma stiffened, his amber eyes grew wide before falling back to their neutral state. "Have you decided what you're going to do tonight?" Shouyou asked, looking dreadfully serious.

Kenma sighed and looked down at his hands that were resting on the counter. He knew it would come to this. Kenma self consciously tucked a strand of semi blond hair behind his ear. "Shouyou, I don't-"

"Don't worry, I thought of something for you!"

The redhead said excitedly, his hands waving enthusiastically in the air. Kenma side glanced at the clock _'twenty six minutes to go'_ he thought anxiously. Shouyou groaned after a moment of silence.

"Kenma, this is your _twenty first birthday_! Do you really want to spend it alone in front of your TV? That's boring and you know that, you deserve it to be all 'GWAAH'! Not _bleh_."

Kenma smiled slightly at the fact that his childhood friend still uses "gwahh" as an adjective/verb given his adult age. The blond knows that once Shouyou has an idea, there's no way to turn him around. Maybe Shouyou was right, a change of pace would be nice, he did promise a month ago that they would do something. "Ah, okay I guess, what exactly did you have planned?"

Kenma asked nervously, he knew this meant they were going out, the only question that made him nervous was _where_. "It's a surprise!" Shouyou said in a sing-song voice, his brown eyes looked mischievous.

Kenma groaned. Tsukishima came out from behind the back door just as their conversation ended and immediately glared at Shouyou. Shouyou made an _'eep'_ noise and avoided eye contact. "Don't you have a job to be at?" Tsukishima said with narrow eyes, he mutter a small _'pathetic'_ under his breathe. Before Shouyou could answer he rolled his eyes and turned his attention to Kenma. "Hey, you can go if you want. I doubt you'll get any work done with this _shorty_ bothering you, and besides, there's not many customers left." Shouyou groaned and Kenma nodded.

* * *

As soon as Kenma got home, he decided to take a shower. He didn't know where they were going and showers always seemed to calm him down. There was something about the heat from the steam that soothed the blonde. Knema thought about the time while washing his hair, Shouyou said he'd be by to pick him up around 8:30, so that only gave him 30 minutes.

After his shower, Kenma spent the remaining time choosing an outfit and fixing his hair (which only took about five minutes) Kenma put forth the remaining time into getting a level or two done and sat promptly on his sofa. Just as he was about to beat a slime beast, he heard a loud knock at his door, which startled him, thus causing him to lose. Kenma grumbled a quick _'damn it'_ before he went begrudgingly to unlock his apartment door.

Shouyou greeted him with a huge smile, that quickly deflated. His eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "You're really wearing that?" Shouyou asked and gestured to Kenma's outfit. Kenma looked down at himself, he thought he looked fine. He was wearing a blue sweater with a cat face on it. The sweater covered all the way down to half his thighs and he was wearing black skinny jeans underneath with black converse. This is what he normally wore, where they going where this wasn't appropriate attire? Kenma kept his gaze down as he tried to think about places where this dress wasn't appropriate.

"Just let him wear what he wants." Kenma looked up to see Kageyama Tobio standing next to Shouyou, they were both wearing tight shirts (Kageyama's was a v-neck) and skinny jeans. Kenma seemed a little confused and self conscious by their attire, but was relieved to know that it wouldn't just be Shouyou and him. Hopefully Shouyou's boyfriend would keep him under control tonight, wherever they were going, he usually did.

Shouyou shrugged and the three walked down to Kageyama's car. It was blue just like his eyes and fast, it was some kind of sports car, but Kenma didn't know what kind. He didn't care much for cars. Kenma was surprised that Kageyama could afford a car like his from just working at a sporting goods store. Maybe it was because Kageyama didn't spend around $200, at the minimum, on Steam every two weeks like Kenma did.

Kenma day dreamed out the window as Kageyama drove to the unknown destination. Shouyou and him were chatting about some new protein shake or something sports related, just like always. Kenma didn't really pay attention, sports kind of bored him. Before he knew it, Kageyama was pulling into a parking garage.

Kenma kicked himself for not guessing where they were going from looking at Kageyama and Shouyou's clothing. As Kageyama parked, Shouyou turned around and flashed Kenma a thumbs up. Kenma huffed and grabbed his things.

The three walked out of the parking garage and down the street. They were in the party district. Kenma kept his eyes down at the sidewalk as they walked down the block with the most nightclubs, drunk people were already spilling out onto the sidewalk. _'It's only like 9 o'clock?'_ Kenma thought to himself grimly. He knew he was in for a long night.

Kageyama and Shouyou walked in front of Kenma, holding hands and talking about something Shouyou found particularly interesting, probably volleyball related, he was making a lot of hand gestures, definitely volleyball related. Kenma smiled to himself. He had to admit they were a good couple, even if they did bicker almost everyday.

As the three walked, the music got louder and Kenma could see blue and white lights shining closer and closer. Shouyou turned his head around and flashed a grin at Kenma. "You excited?" He asked enthusiastically. Kenma shrugged, but on the inside a small pit of anxiety formed him his stomach.

* * *

In all twenty one years of his life, Kenma Kozume has never been to a party, much less a nightclub. Especially not the notoriously famous gay strip club, Aoba Josai. Where the boys were big, _and the egos were bigger._

Kenma sighed to himself and gripped the ends of his sweater. He kept his gaze down as the walked the final last steps towards the entrance. Shouyou paid for Kenma's entry fee, much to Kenma's displeasure. He waved Kenma off, stating _"It's part A of your present!"_

As the trio entered, the music got immediately ten times louder, it was already too loud for Kenma about half a block away from the building. Kenma was used to techno music from his videogames, but this was a bit too much. Kenma glanced at his best friend who was beside him, he looked like a kid in a candy shop, his eyes were wide and he was grinning from ear to ear, his head swayed to the unfamiliar boyfriend on the other hand, looked exhausted. Kenma bit his lip.

He looked around to survey his surroundings; there were three large circular platforms in the middle of the dance floor, each had a pole and someone dancing on it, in between them was a large bar. The dance floor looked packed with people. There were neon lights everywhere. This is definitely not a place Kenma would ever be caught dead in.

Shouyou made a run for the dance floor leaving Kageyama and Kenma following behind. Once they caught up, Kageyama grabbed Shouyou's arm and yanked him back. "What do you think you're doing dumbass Hinata?"

Kageyama grumbled in his boyfriend's face. Shouyou rolled his eyes and groaned. "It's called 'wanting to dance'. I knew it should have just been Kenma and me, I should have known you'd be a stick in the mud." Shouyou said while sticking his tongue out.

With that remark, Kageyama's face scrunched up into his world famous scowl. Shouyou yanked his arm and when Kageyama made a pulled back for Shouyou's arm, Shouyou pushed him. Before Kenma could tell them to calm down and that some people were staring, Kageyama was already barreling back into someone.

That someone was obviously a worker here, it was a tall man with brown hair dressed in a cheesy nurse costume that was mint green colored. The worker stiffened and swiftly turned around. There was a tray with drinks in his hand. The man's face went from annoyance to laughter in .02 seconds.  
"Oh my god, is that _Tobio-chan_?"

Kageyama stiffened at the mention of his first name, his usually cool eyes went wide with fear as soon as he focused on who was talking to him. "O-Oikawa-san!" He chirped. There was a faint sense of blush on his cheeks. 'Oikawa-san' cackled even harder, his free hand was clutching his stomach. "Oh man, I was wondering who was clumsy enough to bump into me! _Of course_ it would be grumpy little Tobio-chan."

Kageyama grimaced and made a harsh _'tch'_ with his teeth. Oikawa smiled sadistically down at Kageyama, the taller man's eyes looked dark and his teeth looked ready to bite. "You used to be so cute, Tobio-chan. What happened to that little duckling I used to babysit? You'll get wrinkles if you keep frowning like that, you know."

Kageyama scoffed and rolled his eyes, but before he could move, Oikawa pointed at Shouyou and supplied a "Who's that shrimpy with you?" to which Shouyou finally spoke up. Kenma, thankfully, went unnoticed by Oikawa's rath. "Who the hell are you calling _'shrimpy'_?" Shouyou growled. Kenma watched in horror as tensions grew between the three until a man wearing a black shirt that had 'Bouncer' written in white came to break them up.

"But _Iwa-chan_ , Tobio-chan _started_ it!" Oikawa whined in a high pitched voice. He acted like a five year old Kenma noted, despite his obvious older age. "Don't call me that Trashkawa, go deliver those drinks, I'm sure those customers aren't happy that it's taking so long." the bouncer grumbled. Oikawa rolled his eyes. He gave a dramatic huff before he sauntered away, his white platform pumps clacked harshly against the floor.

The bouncer gave Kageyama and Shouyou a once over before walking off, presumably to break up more fights. Kenma swallowed hard and looked at his friends. "I'm gunna go get a drink, so, um," Kenma motioned to the bar with his thumb. Shouyou looked a little deflated. "You know I can't dance…" Kenma trailed off, he needed some alone time and he guessed it showed since Shouyou nodded and pulled his boyfriend into the crowd of people on the dancefloor.

Kenma noted how crowded the bar in the middle was and didn't feel like making the pilgrimage to it. He looked around and saw a staircase leading to a top floor. The staircase was illuminated by different pastel colors of the rainbow. Kenma rolled his eyes at how cheesy it was. He saw a couple people go up it and decided to follow them up. It seemed quiter up there.

Kenma's demeanor changed immediately at the sight. As soon as he reached the top, the atmosphere was completely different; there were a couple of soft white lights glowing, there was a bar that wasn't too crowded, there were tables to sit at. This was perfect. Kenma made his way to the bar that was covered in soft green lights and sat at a stool that wasn't too close to anyone. Kenma drummed on the counter as he waited for the bartender to notice him.

"Can I help you sir?" Kenma shivered, he had been too deep in thought. He snapped his head up to meet the voice that spoke to him. Kenma was greeted by deadpan expression, but it didn't look off putting, in fact, the man in front of Kenma looked out of place here. Kenma could get lost in those cool dark brown eyes if he wasn't careful. Kenma blushed slightly once he noticed he was staring. "A water, please." he mumbled as his eyes shot back down to his hands.

The bartender gave him a skeptical look but filled his order regardless. Once he got his water, Kenma pulled out his DS from his pocket and switched it on. Clubbers be damned, he _was_ defeating that god forsaken slime beast _tonight_.

Ten minutes passed and Kenma was beginning to get frustrated with his game again, he wasn't sure what it was, he was usually so good with games. He thought about going down to the dancefloor, but quickly threw that idea out. He really didn't want any of those people touching him.

Just as Kenma was debating the pros and cons of trying to find Shouyou and his boyfriend on the dancefloor, someone came, rather loudly, to sit near Kenma. "Akaashi, give me the usual- Well, _hello_ there."

Kenma decided he would ignore that, he wasn't even fully sure that "hello" was directed towards him, he was too busy trying to type out, in vain, a message to his friend. Kenma side glanced to his right to see a man, with no shirt on. He was looking at Kenma with a wicked grin. His hair was sticking up at all angles. Kenma's brows scrunched together in confusion before he looked back at his phone. "Haven't you ever seen a black cat before?" The man said in a smooth voice.

"Not one dressed so ridiculously, and besides black cats are unlucky." Kenma said before he realized it. A small twinge of embarrassment fell over Kenma, but he tried to ignore it. Honestly, how was that a cat costume? The bartender snickered, Kenma's cheeks colored a shade darker, but the cat didn't lose his cool. "Everyone's _lucky_ when they're with _me_." he retorted keenly. Kenma rolled his eyes. He didn't bother to look up from his phone.

Kenma side glanced him once more, and once more the man was still looking at him with a devilish grin. Upon further inspection, Kenma noticed the cat ears that sat atop his head, the man's unruly hair almost covered them. Kenma guessed that's what made his 'outfit' a costume. Kenma almost took a page out of Tsukishima's book and asked if he had a job to be at, but he refrained, choosing to play with his phone instead.

Kenma huffed, it didn't seem like this man was going anywhere. He was now sitting forward, but Kenma noticed that he kept glancing at him. Kenma placed his phone back in his pocket. He propped his head up with his hand and looked over at the man. The man's eyes seemed to light up and his grin grew, if that was even possible. Kenma sighed and gestured to the man's torso. "What's with the get up?" he said tiredly, trying to show his disinterest but not come off rude. Kenma supposed this was his job, talking to random people, make sure they have a "good time".

"It's Halloween pudding, well, at least it's the month of Halloween. We all dress up, it's sort of like our thing, seasonal dress up and all, and this year I happen to be a _sexy_ black cat." He said with a wink. Kenma rolled his eyes. _'An_ _ **alley cat**_ _is more like it'_ Kenma thought bitterly. "Although, I'm usually not the one doing most of the _purring_."

Kenma felt his ears and neck go hot, he had not expected that. Okay, that was enough of this. Kenma turned his attention back to the other side of the bar with his face still heated. He heard the man snicker. Kenma frowned and tried not to give him any attention. "So pudding, you got a name?"

' _What the hell was up with that nickname?'_ Kenma thought. This whole situation confused him. Why him? Out of all the willing patrons in the bar, why had this _cat_ chose him? Kenma huffed, he was just about to get up, but an arm swung around his shoulders, hard. Kenma stiffened and turned around swiftly, and swung his arm out blindly. Kenma expected the guy to on the ground, but in fact Shouyou stood in front of him, rubbing his shoulder. Kenma felt his face immediately heat up in embarrassment and guilt.

"Woah, puddin's got a mean left hook!" Kenma heard in the distance, but his attention was focused on Shouyou. Shouyou rubbed his arm, but smiled up at Kenma, who was still crimson red. "I came to come find you, I didn't know you were so on edge." Shouyou joked, which calmed Kenma down. "So pudding really does have friends,huh." Shouyou turned around and Kenma glanced over at the man who had been bothering him. Kenma frowned, but Shouyou looked delighted.

"Who's this?" Shouyou asked with a smirk, his thumb pointed at the man. Kenma didn't even know what this guy's name was. Kenma glanced to the side and muttered a "Nobody." The guy's mouth gaped open and he clutched his chest. " _Nobody?_ After all the time we shared? I didn't know cute pudding was such a _heart-breaker_." Kenma rolled his eyes for what felt like the millionth time. Shouyou smirked up at Kenma.

"Where's your boyfriend, Shouyou?" Kenma tried deflecting the subject off of him. Shouyou's smirk grew and Kenma avoided eye contact. "In the restroom. What about you, enjoying your birthday?" He said slyly. Kenma groaned. "Today's your birthday?" The man said excitedly. He leaned in close to Kenma, who in turn leaned back away.

"You know, all birthday boys get a _special surprise_." He said with wiggling eyebrows. Kenma put on his best fake smile (which he wasn't trying at all to mask) "I'll have to decline, my friend and I were just on our way out." The man's eyes deflated, and a genuine look of sadness fell over his face. "You're going to miss my show."

Kenma sighed and looked at the clock by the bar, green lights flashed _11:48_. "Maybe next time." Kenma muttered. The man's face instantly lit up. He got up from his seat and looked Kenma in the eyes. He lifted Kenma's chin up with his index finger. His dark brown eyes looked deep into Kenma's amber ones, so deep that Kenma felt transparent. Kenma felt his face heat slightly. "Until next time pudding." He winked. Kenma let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and groaned.

The man let go and walked off, but before he was out of sight he turned back. "It's Kuroo, by the way." He grinned, and walked off into the crowd, Kenma noticed the tail poking out of his shorts. Shouyou put his hand on Kenma's shoulder and gave him a thumbs up. Kenma muttered a "whatever" and the two walked off to go find Kageyama.

* * *

On the ride home Shouyou bragged to Kenma about his "amazing dance skills". Kenma listened quietly and Kageyama made comments about how Shouyou, was in fact, not an amazing dancer. Eventually the conversation turned to just the two of them. Kenma looked out the window, just like he did on the way over, although his thoughts were clouded this time.

They pulled up to Kenma's apartment in what felt like seconds. Shouyou offered to walk him Kenma up. Once they got to his door, Shouyou grabbed Kenma's hand. "I really hope you had fun tonight." Shouyou said with honest eyes. Kenma nodded tiredly. Shouyou smiled warmly before wishing Kenma good night and walking down.

Kenma laid in bed, it was past one o'clock in the morning, but he couldn't sleep. He couldn't get the thought of washboard abs and messy hair out his mind. Kenma groaned loudly and ran a hand over his face. _'This is not good'_ he thought with a huff.

* * *

So this is the first story I've written in a really long time. It's a little cheesy, I know, it gets cuter from here on, I promise! Any comments/asks are greatly appreciated!


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